living in the past

lately life is disastrous

since last week, 2 lab report, one assignment me as the leader, 2 assignment following leaders instruction, OR perhaps test, Law confirm test, final year project...
is screwing my life...

and i am divorce, and my son is leaving....
i am falling a part...

oh, my getting prettier wife, what a reluctance to let you go...but is time to move on.
sometimes i feel i am living in the past, talking of the history that so far away, our topic of chatter start to stuck on the past and our current living issues is too complicated to explain to each other..
this widen our gap, and dunno since when, i am not the first one come in your mind and neither in your mind...
phing2, get a good boy fren, and will start a new view of life...have someone to attach and rely on.
i will be happy and wish you all the best

well, i do advise her not to have sex yet, without precautions...


and well, for eldest son..
departuring to UK to further his study...
a promise of will arrange a date before he left, is waive... but he compensate it with another promise saying he will sent me post card~
i hope it wouldn't be waive again with e-card thru email~



son and ex-wife....
why are you people always in my mind, why a i so bothered by you people?
is it becuz of the position as promise i made?
or it is a curse?

i should get a gf too, but can't get one because i need one isn't it...
i got to search for someone who can charmed me, which still now, i never met one..

i am so down lately~
as i am so left over and living in the past and no one aside me

(people reading this, don pity me, i am not pity)

LEE CHONG WEI@OLYMPIC 2008, BEIJING

Olympic start in Beijing few weeks ago, and the opening happen to held during our midterm break,Fortunately, I watch it.

It is fantastic, but honestly, I feel lack of something, short of something…

I don’t know, maybe is the climax or what..

The visual is perfect, but maybe is not live, the audio…

But, is great

I like to watch sports, pressing astro channel 8XX up and down, watching swimming, gymnastic, weight lifting, basketball…

Is entertaining, but I am not eager to chase any particular game, maybe at the time I watch, is all preminary round.

Then my school starts, and Olympic game is just a part of conversation instead of game watching.

I don’t have astro, don’t have tv, and I don’t like to watch program when I can watch only ‘sometimes’.

Maybe is my character, I just don’t want things that I cannot own completely.

So, I rather not watch at all.

My housemate happen to irritates me with his eager-ism, enthusiasm, passionate or whatever~

BY! Using streaming, and the streaming strength is as powerful as bit comet, make you (not watching), feel the power of Olympic, cuz you cannot online already.

As the internet strength is unpredictable sometimes, and for the semi-game of Malaysia badminton, my housemate and aj gather and went to Emily place to watch tv.

And I am dig from bed, and ask not to be lazy, please go to school by aj, and I am suppose to pay the bills, collect book from XX for him as he went to watch the play~

Then some conflict kinda happen there, Emily is NA, and so aj contact kiki to get into the house.

In the house while they are watching, kiki leave the house to kl, and left the house key with aj and housemate.

Emily then return and realize, oh~! Why are you people here! Got shock, and housemate them showing off their appearance of surprise..

Emily got angry as they intrude her house without informing, the one who entertain them (kiki), is already NA, and they have the key! Emily feel like her privacy being evade!

Her anger that kiki’s bf have the housekey got exaggerate and transfer into housemates, and feel why everyone have the house key and can access the house?

As the game tense up, housemate shouting, screaming…in the same time, tense up Emily too.

Well, I tried to be the middle man to solve things for both parties after that, and…

I feel they are firing on me, fine! I quit!

You both just break up!

(Well, I guess things solve by itself at the end)

And, so, I hate LeeCHONGWEI, and Malaysia badminton.

Until leeCHONGWEI sitting on the position of silver, chasing for the gold, the play of the final.

That night, I am at library, I am not keen about the result, nor the game…

I know it is big, cause all Malaysian players fall off half way chasing medal, ALL player is out, but him.

So he is big….

Result was pretty terrible, Malaysia lost

Thou with the silver medal

Then Sue tell me, ‘he cried’

And sent to me a clip: ‘LIN DAN playing a game in Malaysia badminton open, got runner up; when the prize giving, the people wear the medal for him, he remove one second immediately, and refuse the traditional hat of Sarawak the organizer gave…’oh, such insult, I hate him…

‘How much he got to bear to be ‘only hope’ of Malaysian?’ suddenly I feel guilty

I am too stupid to hate him becuz of something not related to him!

That night, Sue and I try to find ways to support him, starting from searching his house address online, then found Malaysian board of badminton address, then plan to sent him thank you, congrats card…

But we got something better, we then found his blog, lots of people leave comment there to support him, then we think, sending a card to Malaysia board of badminton the chances for him to read is even lesser than writing a comment in his blog.

‘http://blog.leechongwei82.com/?p=113’

Supporters of Malaysia dedicated him hundred of comment, supporting him…

I feel reading those comment, he will cry again…

Recall a song:

孤独站在这舞台
听到掌声响起来
…

好像初次的舞台
听到第一声喝采
我的眼泪忍不住掉下来
经过多少失败
经过多少等等
告诉自己要忍耐

Alone in the stage, listen to the clapping~

Sometimes, I am a performer, the lonely feeling of standing in the stage, can be see as fame, also a lonely feelings.

Thinking of myself being a performer, as the dizi perfomer, how many times I escape from the stage because of my fear? (Refuse to play), how many time I just disappear because I am not keen, lazy to continue?

Because this is just my interest, but for him, the stage arena is his career…is his life.

Bearing the ‘only hope’ of Malaysia, standing in the foreign stage…did he ever think to quit?

Did he ever think of running away?

I guess he did, but still end up we see him play on tv

Is the courage…

I feel so inspired by him,

It is not easy, and it shouldn’t be~

Flipping open the news paper and see people in political arena fighting to get power, getting people attention on rubbish back stabbing…

The attention should be on those who bear pressure go overseas fighting for the glory for Malaysia…

I think every single people in Malaysia is already sick of all political issues that got stir up since the general election months ago~

At least I am, I thinking when they are going to settle down and do their job…

Well, I am sorry I hate you days ago, but now LEE CHONG WEI, you are our hero, our pride, our champion

DIZI CENTRAL MUSIC GRADING EXAMINATION

Life lately or life of this semester had been the most fulfilling semester for my entire university life.
I thought I was the busiest during last semester, but this semester simply gets worst.
The busy start from the very beginning of the semester and last, and never end until even the mid term break, until now.

The tasks come and go come and go.

The latest task I had accomplished is the dizi central music grading exam held last Saturday.

Well, Glass pick me up at 830am and then pick up our teacher, then we go and have breakfast, then we head to the examination place.
Bout 5minutes of waiting, Glass is call into the room, phew~
At least I got few minutes more than Glass to prepare, to calm down, to suit myself a little bit more than he does.

Then my turn,

• 1^st piece, the practice choral

• 2^nd piece, gu shu xing《姑苏行》,well, just before I reach the tempo part, he stop me and said: 可以了，下一首（means, ok d, next piece）

• 3^rd piece, well, 《塔塔尔舞曲》，as I am expecting him to stop me as he did for the previous song, I cannot concentrate…try to imagine you playing the song and what is in your mind is, when is he going to stop me?

Well, he did stop me, and say: 好了 （done）

I said：哈？

He said: 阿，好了，考完了~(Ah, is done, finish exam)

(Well, actually after that still got 2 parts, the rhythm test, the singing test, obvious enough, he skip all of it)

Frankly, I am not nervous at all facing the examiner, embracing the principle, I will show you what I have.

And so, I perform my 100% for 2^nd piece(which is actually the 1^st song, as the piece I play 1^st is the practice choral)

But the 2^nd song, I have weird thought in my head, and I couldn’t even start well, but surprisingly, he listen the song more than 1^st song.

As for Glass, in comparison, the 1^st song he played longer than mine and shorter than mine for the 2^nd song.

Why? Why do he stop us from finishing the song?

Answer by my teacher: because your introduction cannot attract his attention to listen the preceding.

Am I hurt?
Well, not much actually, just feel bothered because he never let you finish it.

Maybe he have his reason, after us, he have lots more to examine? But this is terrible reason! He should be professional! Recall my piano examination, no matter how terrible the student play, the examiner will listen the whole piece and write comment…

But he didn’t!

My teacher said: he is the professor of China central music school, major ERHU.

Well, I guess since he is prof, the song I played is common song, he listen to them N million times already, and I just happen to be too ordinary~

So, no hard feelings beside the regret he never like to finish my song,

(I practice so hard for the ending part, as I hope is to play a balance song, don’t want a case where you can play your beginning perfect but end like shit), but the case happen is so unexpected~Ending is ignored. )

I tried my best and, one stress source release, I feel glad.

(my fees increase 100% after this grade 5, and i wish to buy another tune of dizi to complete the whole set of tune i have, I struggle days thinking should I continue learning, should I complete the set of dizi I having~~, the fees change from rm20 a class to rm40 a class, means if I have class 4 times a month, means? And the newly price dizi cost rm430, oh, since when dizi become the game of the royal? The rich?

Struggle, discuss with Sue and thinking of own self, about the questionà worth it or not? (Is not the matter of affordability, is the matter of worth it or not)

Well, I decide, cash can be earn one day after this, but the time I can spent on dizi, the level, the path I had reach now, may not be the same day after this…

Thinking one day when I old, do I rather regret of:

1. I shouldn’t waste money learn dizi, is stupid!

2. I should learn at the time, is just money it consume.

No.1 is like you bought something, at up you don’t like and complain that you shouldn’t buy it at all,

No.2 is you didn’t buy it, at up regret that you didn’t buy?

I think I wish my regret is no.1,

So, I will proceed.